Perhaps one of the most challenging parts of the anticipation of the upcoming holiday season is the huge disparity between the picture of how the holidays should look and the reality of how they are going to be.

Nothing can fill the brutal hole of loss and grief, and it is difficult to psychologically prepare for family time that lacks the people we most need to be there.

If this resonates with you, maybe you could work to create a new expectation of the holiday season. Doing the same traditions you have before might exacerbate your hurt and suffering and cause you more pain than you can handle.

Is there an outreach center where you could focus on giving happiness to others who wouldn’t have it without your contribution? Would it create meaning for you to do it in memory of the person you love?

After a loss, we have to learn to live in a new reality; a world without their physical presence. Sometimes, recreating the holiday season can help us get some comfort from performing altruistic acts of kindness and reinventing what the holidays now mean for us.